Golden Years Humor: 7 Jokes about Grandmas and Grandpas
Let’s face it, grandparents hold a special place in our hearts, with their wisdom, love, and sometimes, their hilariously quirky ways. They remind us that age is nothing but a number and laughter is the best medicine (it’s free, too!).
Here are some delightful stories that highlight the humor and love that comes with living a long and interesting life. Good luck getting through this without laughing!
1. Dear Old George’s Annual Check-Up
Without fail, George went for his annual check-up every year. He prided himself on staying fit and healthy by going on walks in the neighborhood, though age had taken its toll on his eyesight.
After his check-up, George sat and chattered with his doctor, proudly telling Dr. Stephens about his latest discovery.
“Doc, I’m blessed,” he said. “God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done!”
The doctor chuckled, but a nagging curiosity led him to call George’s wife later that day.
“Maria,” he said. “Your husband’s test results are just fine. But he said something strange! He claims that God turns the lights on and off for him when he uses the bathroom at night.”
George’s wife laughed out loud.
“That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again! I thought it was the dog!”
2. The Mischievous Grandmas on a Bench
Three mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside of their nursing home, laughing their heads off like giggling girls.
“Now, now, ladies,” a nurse said, walking past them. “You need to get your sunshine time before tea. And behave!”
Her words only set them off again. Soon, they spotted an old man walking by and decided to have a bit of fun with him.
“We bet we can tell exactly how old you are,” one of the grandmas yelled out at him.
The old man scoffed.
“There’s no way that you can guess it, you three old fools.”
“Sure we can!” another grandma insisted. “Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age!”
“What?” he exclaimed.
Embarrassed but intrigued, the old man dropped his pants, the sunlight shining on his bottom.
The grandmas stared and whispered among themselves. And then said in unison, “You’re 91 years old!”
“How in the world did you guess?” the old man asked, shocked.
The grandmas snickered and replied,
“Because we were at your birthday party yesterday!” one grandma said as the other two collapsed into giggles again.
3. Grandpa Turns 100!
At Grandpa’s 100th birthday celebration, everyone marveled at how athletic and lean he looked.
“What’s your secret, Derek?” a guest asked.
“I’ll tell you,” Grandpa said, taking a forkful of cake. “I’ve been in the open air, day after day for some 75 years now.”
The crowd gasped.
“How did you keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?” someone asked.
“Well,” Grandpa began with a twinkle in his eye as he looked to Gran. “My wife and I made a pledge on our wedding night. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was wrong would go outside and take a walk!”
4. William and Kevin’s Adventure at the Supermarket
In the supermarket, a woman watched a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson with growing admiration. The child screamed for sweets and biscuits, yet the grandad remained calm.
“Easy, William, we won’t be long… easy boy,” he said soothingly.
At the checkout, the chaos continued.
The little terror of a child threw items out of the trolley, but the grandad’s composure never wavered.
“William, William, relax buddy. Don’t get upset. Don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes. Stay cool, William. Keep your cool, William.”
Outside, the woman approached the grandfather.
“I know it’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there! William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”
The old man smiled widely and then chuckled.
“Thanks, but I am William. This little guy’s name is Kevin!”
5. The Forgetful Sisters
Three elderly sisters aged 82, 84, and 86 lived together.
One night, the 86-year-old drew a bath. She put her foot in and then paused.
After a few moments, she yelled down the stairs.
“Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 84-year-old yelled back.
“I don’t know. I’ll come up and see,” she said.
She started walking up the stairs and paused.
“Was I going up the stairs or down?”
Finally, the 82-year-old, sitting at the kitchen table having tea, shook her head.
“I sure hope I never get that forgetful,” she said.
She knocked on wood for good measure and then yelled.
“I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
6. Grandpa’s Missing Teeth
Grandma and Grandpa sat in their porch rockers, watching the sunset and reminiscing about the good old days.
“Honey, do you remember when we first started dating, and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?” Grandma asked.
Grandpa smiled and took her aged hand in his.
With a wry smile, Grandma pressed further.
“Do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and kiss me on the cheek?”
Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d nibble on my ear?”
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.
Alarmed, Grandma asked, “Honey, where are you going?”
“To get my teeth!” Grandpa replied.
7. The Card Game Memory Lapse
Two elderly ladies who were friends for decades met several times a week to play cards.
One day, during a game, one lady looked at the other, squinting.
“Now, don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I just can’t remember it. Please, tell me what it is.”
Her friend glared at her for a few minutes before returning with a sheepish smile.
“How soon do you need to know?” she asked.
These stories remind us that grandparents, with their decades of life, thousands of memories, and laughter to last a lifetime, are invaluable. They teach us lessons in the most unexpected ways, and their humor, often unintentional, keeps us smiling.
Whether it’s through their forgetfulness or their unique approach to life’s challenges, grandparents show us that aging gracefully includes plenty of room for laughter.
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